The Skeena
Tired of holiday movie recommendations? Good, because I’m here with Netflix warnings. Save your precious wrapping-paper multitasking time for better things.
First, the numbers: Christmas movies have exploded like a rogue turkey fryer. In 2023, 144 of these yuletide yawners were released—that’s seven times more than in 2000. Why? Because they’re dirt cheap to produce, rake in viewers, and are packed with product placements (looking at you, Miracle on 34th Street, the OG sellout). Most of them are shot in Canada, too, so you’re welcome, Hollywood.
But here’s the twist: these flicks aren’t for kids anymore. They’re romcoms for adults who are wrapping presents, sipping wine, and half-watching while Alexa cues up the next one.
Let’s get into it. Here are five Netflix holiday duds to steer clear of.
What to Skip:
1. Carry On
Netflix’s attempt to slap a Christmas bow on Die Hard flirts with greatness for about an hour and has decent casting, with Dean Norris’ character meeting the same fate as his Hank Schrader. Then the plot drives off a cliff into “Are you kidding me?” territory. If you’re into laughing at ridiculous finales, sure, go for it. Otherwise, leave this one to gather dust in the streaming void.
2. Meet Me Next Christmas
Take Love Actually sans the relentless body shaming, remove the charm, add clunky dialogue, and sprinkle in relentless product placements. This is the result. We gave up halfway through, but spoiler: they fall in love. Probably while holding hands over a branded cup of cocoa.
3. Hot Frosty
Netflix’s top Christmas movie this year? Apparently, 35 times more popular than the average flick? We didn’t watch it, and neither should you. Based on what we’ve heard, it’s a TikTok fever dream wrapped in bad CGI and fake snow.
If You Must Watch Something…
Try Our Little Secret. It’s not going to win awards, but it’s closer to Christmas Vacation than most. Quirky, watchable, and only mildly infuriating (seriously, if he loves her, why doesn’t he just move to London?).
This holiday season, don’t let Netflix waste your time with low-budget filler. Stick to the classics (hint- It’s A Wonderful Life), stream wisely, and avoid anything with “hot” in the title. You’ll thank me later.
